Lollipops, Moonlight, and a bed of Leaves

Bullshit

Wow, I am so ready to get this out and i dont care who sees it.  All my life, all i have ever done was to try and please everyone and i mean everyone.  But somehow, that always seems to bite me in the ass.  "Leave the monkeys at home"  well i never knew you had it in you. I use to think you were all sweet and nice.  Boy you blind sided me.  What did amber and i ever do to you. sure we werent close, but geeze I would never say something as harsh as that about you ever.  Well lock me up in a zoo. 

Ive come to realize in my short 22 years not to get attatched to anything and anyone, for their is always the chance they will stab you in the back.  I guess i need not get close to anyone.  I know myself that every once in a while you come across someone you dont care for, but in a current case, the feeling is mutual.  Anyway I just, everytime i finally think ive made a new close friend, somewhere down the road i become the talk of people coversation, and im sure it aint about how wonderful i am.  Can't i be amazing to anyone other than my boyfriend.  I miss Jennifer so bad. I miss having a friend who you can share your most intimate self with and be just who you are without them talking behind your back.  Maybe Jenn was great at putting on a facade, but i would sure take that over what i have now.  Dont get me wrong, the girls i know here at bloom are great.  I love my amber and my heather and my alie and the rest of the girls of columbia hall freshman year.  I do. But I just cant help missing my dynamic duo.  Amber and I were close once, but maybe its because i have rob or maybe because she finally got tired of who i really am.  I know im not perfect, but isnt there someone out there who will take me as I am and stop lying to my face. I miss my jennifer...why did you have to go and run off to Arkansas and get married. I feel like its highschool all over for me again.  I miss my alie too.